Friday, March 7, 2014

How to Survive When the Aliens Attack: A Short Guide

Since I've watched five seasons of The Walking Dead, I like to consider myself a survival expert. Now, I'm not too sure that I'd actually survive if I was put in that situation, but I like to think I have some pretty good ideas.
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The aliens are coming. With the amount of uncharted space, this invasion isn’t a matter of if, but when. Keep in mind: aliens have been planning their invasion for thousands of years, and humans stand at the disadvantage of having only moments to react. So in order to balance the odds, follow these simple steps.
First off, put together two Alien Survival kits that contain multiple pairs of socks, an extra pair of shoes, a jacket, a lighter, a tarp, sleeping bag, and cans of food. One kit goes under the bed in case the invasion occurs while at home, and the second kit should be placed in a car if fleeing is a must. Next, when the attack occurs, try not to panic. Whether panicking or not, the aliens will continue to invade, so there's no point in wasting precious time freaking out. Instead of panicking, proceed to the closest grocery store and take all of the cans of food, medicine, and gasoline that you can, and don't worry about paying for it. This step is imperative because as the aliens take over, food will become more scarce, so the more nonperishing food available, the better chance of survival. Do not worry about others, don't try to save anyone, and don’t help anyone; the less people to feed the higher chance of survival. Now would be the best time to seek shelter. The aliens will aim for the people running down the middle of the road screaming, so try to remain as inconspicuous as possible. Keep in mind, this is not a shelter to hunker down in and wait to die, think of it as a place to rest and wait for the aliens to complete their initial attack. After the hysteria dies down, it may be a good time to adventure out and collect more cans of food. Aim for places that aren’t obvious; head toward the closest camping store and pick up dehydrated food, water, and other camping gear. Avoid grocery stores from this point on, this is where most other people will search for food, resulting in fights over cans of beans and eventually running out of supplies altogether.
As time passes, the human race will shrink, and this is the time to start looking for other groups of people. Pack all necessary items into two bags, one that you wear under your shirt and the other on your back. This is simply a precaution; in the event of attack, the heavier backpack could be dropped to ensure quicker getaway, or if robbed there would still be the smaller backpack to refer to afterwards. After this step, it is mainly up to the reader to decide how to proceed. If no sign of life is detected, one could seek shelter alone and continue to wait out the invasion, which can only result in being captured or killed, starving or dying of sickness or infection, or living a lonely life with no hope. The other option includes finding a group of humans. After assessing the best course of action, option made include, but are not limited to, attacking the aliens, trying to live peacefully among the aliens, or creating an underground fort to avoid the aliens and rebuild society. The key factor in this step is aligning with the correct group of people.
After deciding to join other people, first look to save any children. These will be the people who will grow up to hate the alien invaders the most, and will be key for overthrowing them. Also, align yourself with people who appear to be a part of a resistance. These people usually carry themselves with a no-nonsense appearance, as opposed to the humans that cower at the sight of you and turn to run away. They will not be saving the planet any time soon, and death would be highly likely if one were to join them. After joining the group that seems to have the best odds of survival, decide how to strike back.
            By now, the alien invasion has been occurring for several months. Survivors have noted alien behavior and have kept record of their technology and basic behaviors, and this is the time to put that knowledge to the test. In this step, the resistance will be sneaking into the alien stronghold. In order to accomplish this, assemble a group of people with a variety of skills, such as a few good fighters, a geek to hack the security system, people to stand lookout, and the most knowledgeable alien behaviorist. Next, sneak onto the central alien ship. Usually, this can be accomplished by working through complicated security and computerized systems, but just in case, make sure the attack party is armed. After breaking through the main systems and destroying the alien stronghold either through computer systems or with a large explosive, the other alien forces will be weakened. By this point, the most difficult task has been finished, leaving the humans with tons of alien technology to scare off the rest of the extraterrestrials.
            The final step in this process is to rebuild. Using the leftover alien technology, reconstruct the planet. Be sure to replant trees and natural habitats before rebuilding cities and towns. But remember, the only way to achieve this goal is through preparation. Do not forget to pack alien survival bags beforehand, and then when the time comes, seek shelter. Restock at a local camping store and lay low for a short period of time before joining a resistance group. Once you join the human resistance, take down the aliens, and then focus on rebuilding. Don’t count the chickens before they’ve hatched, otherwise death is inevitable. 

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